Always eat the fat one first.
I work what should be about a 30-40 minute commute away from my home. In the mornings this is generally accurate. I enjoy a leisurely drive into work; maybe I stop and get an iced coffee from Starbucks, maybe a V8 from 7-11. I arrive at work between 8-9am and start my day relaxed and ready.
Fuck paying attention to the road! I'm drinking coffee!
It's generally about 5pm when I start the process of drowning in the shit that are D.C. area commuters. If you live in D.C. then you know and fucking hate 495. This stretch of highway is like the River Styx without a scenic view of the underworld. I guess I should understand why on a Tuesday evening it takes me close to 2 hours to go 20 miles when there isn't a visible accident; or when there is an accident that is causing the traffic it is so tiny you want to get out of your vehicle and punch the driver at fault in the face just to keep your commute interesting (and to help him realize how pissed you are that he fucked up your ride home; because his accident isn't as important as your need not to be in traffic that selfish fuck). Seriously, fuck that dude, who is in such a rush to get home that he needs to prevent everyone around him from hitting $3 martini happy hour at Tipano's.
Canadian Happy Hour is nothing to fuck with.
Also, for those of you who aren't aware of what a turn signal is let me help you out. It signals to other drivers on the road that you are going to swerve into their lane like the maniac shit head you are. Use it or I'm going to start following you home and stealing your morning paper just because I can.
Your car is a 2 ton weapon guys. Here is a fun comparison for you: The average handgun bullet travels 1467.81 MPH. That seems fucking fast right! Your car maybe goes only 120 MPH max! Now, if you get hit by a bullet going max speed there is a chance you will survive that impact ( don't get me wrong it would fucking hurt, but it doesn't necessarily mean you are done for). If you get hit by a car going even half of it's max speed YOU WILL FUCKING DIE or end up looking like...
Sensationalism at its finest. Thank you mother's against drunk driving for being so coy.
So in closing, dude with the duct tape on your bumper, you who ride my ass and flash your lights because I neglect to plow through the car ahead of me or turn myself invisible...fuck you and your American made car made to go along with your American made attitude. You are the reason traffic exists, or essentially who I am blaming it on today!
Take that America!!!!!
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