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Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Soothing Classes that Strengthen Both Body and Mind

from buywithme.com

Check this out! 80% off at Dahn Yoga

Also Use Code 'Cheer' for an additional 20% off!


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Thursday, November 18, 2010

Saturday Night Live Sucks

Dear SNL,

Fire Kristin Wig. She is truly annoying, all of her characters make me want to rub glass in my eyes, and for the last time; if I see another shitty "Gilly" sketch I am going to...cry into a carton of ice cream...but still!

What the fuck has happened to Saturday Night Live in the past 15 years? Its steady decline is depressing. Seriously, they went from have 50/50 great sketches to shit, to 10/90 tolerable sketches to cancer.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH OF THIS BULLSHIT! EVEN THE PHOTO MAKES ME WANT TO PUNCH A BABY IN THE FACE.

Every cast member they have is either terrible or terribly used. Bill Hadar is hilarious, so give him something that he can work with. The really flamboyant gay N.Y. tourism expert...really? That shit is not only kind of offensive, but always goes on for at least 3 minutes too long.

Keenan Thompson? What indeed is up with that? STOP WITH THE REPEAT SKETCHES AND FORCE YOUR WRITERS TO COME UP WITH ORIGINAL MATERIAL!

Also, they hired on a new batch of 'talent' for this season, only one of whom is actually funny. His name is Jay Pharaoh and he is too good for SNL. His impressions are amazing. Now if only they would let him do anything besides impressions of black celebrities. 

On the newbie front there is also Vanessa Bayer. Her face invokes hatred in me. She has the same problem as Kristin Wig where every character she does feels exactly the same. Or I just hate her. I'm not 100% on that.

Ugh I just hate her face.

Also, Andy Samberg: If you can't come up with a funny digital short....DON"T DO ONE. It's frustrating seeing the SNL Digital Short logo pop up; hoping for something like 'Dick in a Box," or "Threw it on the Ground", and getting whatever the fuck happened this week.


I think the worst part is that the audience doesn't let them know how they really feel. Either that, or they are really amused by cheap ploys and celebrities that can't really act. This would be the same audience who might enjoy watching Britney Spears attempt to play checkers on a stage for 7 hours ( That's how long it would take her to get through one game versus the REALLY EASY level computer player). SNL is performed for a live audience 3 times before it actually airs on Saturday Night. That's 3 audiences who have the opportunity to get sketches that don't work pulled. I am ashamed of you audience. ASHAMED. 

The only audience photo I could find was from some douchebag who circled himself in the crowd (granted I only searched for like 20 seconds). This photo is what is wrong with the SNL audience. Seriously dude...




Friday, September 10, 2010

Revolutionary Music Video: YOU MUST WATCH THIS ( Taken From EW.com)

http://www.thewildernessdowntown.com/

Below is the article about Arcade Fire's Revolutionary "We Used to Wait" Video: Director Chris Milk Explains how it was created.


arcade-fireImage Credit: Eric KayneThe Wilderness Downtown, the interactive website that Arcade Fire released last week for their song “We Used To Wait,” is something very different from a typical indie-rock promotional clip. So it’s fitting that the band hired a director,Chris Milk, who despite his impressive résumé in the field — Kanye West’s “Jesus Walks” and“Touch the Sky,” U2 & Green Day’s “The Saints Are Coming” — has decidedly mixed feelings about the music video medium. “I spend a lot of time thinking about how music videos could ever achieve the emotional resonance of straight music,” Milk says in an email exchange with the Music Mix. “Honestly, I’m not sure music videos can ever really touch you as deeply as music alone can. Music scores your life. You interact with it. It becomes the soundtrack to that one summer with that one girl. Music videos are very concrete and rigid because they rely on someone else’s vision. Sometimes mine.”
Cutting-edge Web elements help make The Wilderness Downtown a more personal, immersive experience. Viewers enter an address of their choice (preferably their childhood home), calling up images from Google Maps at key moments in the song. As the music goes on, viewers can also enter messages to their younger selves which are then incorporated into the presentation. “By letting the audience participate in the visuals, we allow for more of an emotional connection,” Milk says.
A friend of Arcade Fire singer Win Butler “from a while back,” Milk also works closely with Aaron Koblin of Google Creative Lab at their “micro-agency,” Milk + Koblin. “The concept really came about as a way to bring two ideas together,” Milk says. “Google wanted a creative way to showcase what was possible on the web with HTML5 and the band wanted an innovative visual that could work like a traditional music video.” After beginning discussions with Butler this past January, Milk and Koblin finished The Wilderness Downtown by August. The site’s code-writing phase took “two incredibly fast-paced months,” thanks to production company B-Reel and “coding genius” Mr.doob, who had previously worked with Milk and Koblin on another interactive music site, The Johnny Cash Project.
Google’s technology became a crucial ingredient in The Wilderness Downtown. “Google Maps and streetview provided a really good answer to a big question I had when we began the project,” says Milk. “What could we do, using the tools available, that would emotionally resonate with people, without getting them bogged down in the technology? It’s easy to lose the humanity when you start showcasing tech. Google Maps and streetview embody this contradiction of cold high-tech that can be incredibly emotional when used in the right context.”
With The Wilderness Downtown drawing near universal acclaim, Milk is already looking forward to the next step. “I’m hoping to do my first feature film soon,” he says. “I have two in development right now.”

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Hipster as F***



That's Salvador Dali, and that's his ant eater.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

The Employment Chronicles Chapter 5: Latin Concepts Offers Great Cheap Happy Hours!

Greetings,

If you live in the D.C. area you may have already been to one of these restaurants. I'm a huge fan of this group of restaurants because they offer great happy hour specials, and a different Latin style in each (even if they don't serve Latin food!) You can check out all these restaurants at http://www.latinconcepts.com/

Mata: Mate is decadent, lush and entirely unexpected in historic Georgetown. All red décor, very luxe Panton spiral lamps, red Luna chairs, a sleek aluminum bar and a Latin inspired sushi menu are brought together to create a sophisticated and seductive atmosphere for Washingtonians.

Special Note: Happy hour includes $6 cocktails. My personal favorite is the Pomegranate Margarita.

Gazuza: Gazuza is Dupont Circle's favored lounge destination, with sleek modern decor, all weather patio, and deep lounge funk music.

Special Note: Happy hour includes $1 Nigiri and 1/2 price rolls if you are a sushi fan!

Chi Cha: Relaxed and laid back, Chi Cha Lounge is named after the traditional Latin American drink from the Andes known as “chicha”, a concoction of corn soaked in pineapple juice, cinnamon, cloves, cane sugar and the house secret ingredient. Chi Cha offers a menu of "Modern Andean Cuisine", deliciously comfortable couches and chairs jammed together so informally you often become part of someone else's conversation.

Special Note: Happy hour here is a bit later (5pm-8pm) and includes 1/2 price hookah.

Guarapo: A sleek lounge with international flair, hookah pipes and the only place in town that offers Guarapo cocktails, a sugar cane syrup mixed deliciously with vodka and lime juice. Andean-flavored tapas menú marinated mushrooms, chicken empanadas, grilled shrimp and a variety of ceviche styles. Cutting-edge DJs and live bands.

Special Note: Happy hour includes $5 Arepas, grilled stuffed corn cakes served with iceberg lettuce, pico de gallo, and fried plantains.

Nena: Nena is the upstairs lounge of Guarapo and is regularly open on Friday and Saturday nights at 9pm.

If you would like to book a private event for 50-200 people Nena is the perfect space. Email sevem@latinconcepts.com to inquire about availability.

Enjoy my friends!

Special Note: Exerpt from the Ron Jeremy Horror Movie: "One Eyed Monster"

Saturday, August 7, 2010

The Employment Chronicles Chapter 4: Things I Wish I Could Do. Number 5: Spit Acid

Happy Saturday!

First things first... free stuff. I have a $10 gift certificate to Shoe Buy that I won't use so if any of you are interested, be the first to use this code at check out: P209816494848247
You can redeem at: Shoe Buy
Good luck in being the first to redeem!
Additionally, if you haven't seen this yet you are living in a cave:

This will be funny for the next week before I'm over it.
Now on to the meat and potatoes.  The top 5 things I wish I could do:
Number 5: Spit Acid.
                                  No one fucks with this guy

Simply put, I'm a non confrontational white girl. I'd like to have this in my back pocket in case I ever get mugged. Seriously, I bet I'd personally cut down on crime in my area. Here is my image of what would happen.


" Hey Joe, did you hear white girls can now spit acid?" 
" Yea, Tommy lost a thumb last week. Guess I should clean up my life. Maybe go back to school and get my degree! " 
" I hear you, life on the streets isn't safe for us anymore. I've been thinking about spending more time with my family. You know my moms not getting any younger, and I don't know how much time I have left with her"
" Yea that's nice, now block the wind I'm gunna roast this bone."


It's not a perfect system, but I'd be a hero.
Number 4: Make Plants Grow...At All.

       This is the only plant I own and he doesn't want to live.

So my boyfriend got me this plant for our anniversary because I asked for something that would live longer then a week. This was a month ago, and I have been in a constant struggle with A.P        (anniversary plant) to keep it alive. The day I brought it home a squirrel knocked it off my patio table and noshed on a leaf. Now I keep him on the ground, and its like every day he looks a little better or a little worse. It's bullshit and I hate it.


Only solution. Magic powers. Problem solved.

Number 3: Make Shitty Movies Disappear.

             Every movie she stars in makes my uterus scream.

Wouldn't it be nice if every time you went into a movie you knew it wasn't going to drain two hours of your life leaving you weak, delirious, and $10 short. Well if I could make shitty movies disappear Vince Vaughn might be your next barista at Starbucks.


Number 2: Summon Bees.

                               SUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bee's are assholes. Imagine if you could control large groups of them to do your bidding. I imagine it would work like this...


And it would be awesome....

Number 1: Take Someone's Creativity Through Their Vagina.

 
Thanks for the idea Lady Gaga, and for making your vagina so accessible.


Lastly, I hope you all had a great shark week!
                          









 

Sunday, August 1, 2010

The Employment Chronicles Chapter 3: "Oh My God!!!!!!"

Cool Stuff from the weekend:

I saw two movies, ate two awesome steaks, and watched a lot of Head Case. Below is the video for my favorite song of the week. It's from the trailer for the upcoming movie It's Kind of a Funny Story starring Zach Galifianakis and Keir Christ . Keir is best known for his role as Marshall in Showtime's hit dramedy United States of Tara. I am fucking stoked to see this movie! Maybe it's the song that hooked me; or maybe it's just Zach's beard. It makes me want to build a nest.


Trailer for It's Kind of a Funny Story



Other things of note:


Saw this at the Dollar Store. I'm ready for school if it includes severed limbs!

Spent a lot of time at the art house theater this weekend, and both films I saw I highly recommend. First there was Cyrus:




This movie was an interesting character study, and I was kind of excited to see John C. Reilly do something without Will Ferrell involved, or Will Ferrell inspired ( ie: Walk Hard, The Dewy Cox Story).  I also love Jonah Hill, and he is always good as the one character he knows how to play (ie: Giant man-boy whose a little off, but totally lovable).


Plot line:

"With John's social life at a standstill and his ex-wife about to get remarried, a down on his luck divorcée finally meets the woman of his dreams, only to discover she has another man in her life - her son. Still single seven years after the breakup of his marriage, John has all but given up on romance. But at the urging of his ex-wife and best friend Jamie, John grudgingly agrees to join her and her fiancé Tim at a party. To his and everyone else's surprise, he actually manages to meet someone: the gorgeous and spirited Molly. Their chemistry is immediate. The relationship takes off quickly but Molly is oddly reluctant to take the relationship beyond John's house. Perplexed, he follows her home and discovers the other man in Molly's life: her son, Cyrus. A 21-year-old new age musician, Cyrus is his mom's best friend and shares an unconventional relationship with her. Cyrus will go to any lengths to protect Molly and is definitely not ready to share her with anyone, especially John. Before long, the two are locked in a battle of wits for the woman they both love-and it appears only one man can be left standing when it's over" -Written by Fox Searchlight.

I give it a B-. It was charming, awkward, and Marissa Tomei is still smoking hott; however it was also a little slow, and choppy in certain parts. See it before you see any of the other shit that's out right now ( besides Inception, which if you haven't seen it, you are retarded).

The second movie I HIGHLY recommend is The Kids are All Right starring Annette Bening, Julianne Moore, and Mark Ruffalo.



"Nic and Jules are in a long term, committed, loving but by no means perfect relationship. Nic, a physician, needs to wield what she believes is control, whereas Jules, under that control, is less self-assured. During their relationship, Jules has floundered in her "nine to five" life, sometimes trying to start a business - always unsuccessfully - or being the stay at home mom. She is currently trying to start a landscape design business. They have two teen-aged children, Joni and Laser, Nic who is Joni's biological mother, and Jules who is Laser's biological mother. Although not exact replicas, each offspring does more closely resemble his/her biological mother in temperament. Joni and Laser are also half-siblings, having the same unknown sperm donor father. Shortly after Joni's eighteenth birthday and shortly before she plans to leave the house and head off to college, Laser, only fifteen and underage to do so, pleads with her to try and contact their sperm donor father. Somewhat reluctantly, she does. He is late thirty-something Paul, a co-op farmer and restaurateur. Despite his seemingly successful businesses, Paul has always shirked responsibility, most specifically in his personal life. After Joni and Laser meet with Paul, Nic and Jules learn what their children have done, and although they don't want Paul infiltrating their lives, they want to meet him especially as Joni and Laser seem to want to maintain some sort of relationship with him. As Paul's relationship with the entire family grows, which also includes him hiring Jules to design and construct his back yard, they have an effect on what he wants in life, and he in turn affects the family dynamic as well as each person's relationships outside of the family." -  Written by random dude on IMDB.


This movie was fucking amazing. I give it an A based on the story line, performances all around, and the fact that I love homosexual dramz when it's comedic yet realistic. Also, everyone loves seeing Julianne Moore topless, and she is topless a decent amount.

Lastly:

STEAK!!!!!!

Friday, July 30, 2010

The Employment Chronicles: Chapter 2, Hey Maryland! Learn How to Drive your Shitty Cars!!!!!

Always eat the fat one first.

I work what should be about a 30-40 minute commute away from my home. In the mornings this is generally accurate. I enjoy a leisurely drive into work; maybe I stop and get an iced coffee from Starbucks, maybe a V8 from 7-11. I arrive at work between 8-9am and start my day relaxed and ready.


Fuck paying attention to the road! I'm drinking coffee!

It's generally about 5pm when I start the process of drowning in the shit that are D.C. area commuters. If you live in D.C. then you know and fucking hate 495. This stretch of highway is like the River Styx without a scenic view of the underworld. I guess I should understand why on a Tuesday evening it takes me close to 2 hours to go 20 miles when there isn't a visible accident; or when there is an accident that is causing the traffic it is so tiny you want to get out of your vehicle and punch the driver at fault in the face just to keep your commute interesting (and to help him realize how pissed you are that he fucked up your ride home; because his accident isn't as important as your need not to be in traffic that selfish fuck). Seriously, fuck that dude, who is in such a rush to get home that he needs to prevent everyone around him from hitting $3 martini happy hour at Tipano's.



Canadian Happy Hour is nothing to fuck with.

Also, for those of you who aren't aware of what a turn signal is let me help you out. It signals to other drivers on the road that you are going to swerve into their lane like the maniac shit head you are. Use it or I'm going to start following you home and stealing your morning paper just because I can. 

 Your car is a 2 ton weapon guys. Here is a fun comparison for you: The average handgun bullet travels 1467.81 MPH. That seems fucking fast right! Your car maybe goes only 120 MPH max! Now, if you get hit by a bullet going max speed there is a chance you will survive that impact ( don't get me wrong it would fucking hurt, but it doesn't necessarily mean you are done for). If you get hit by a car going even half of it's max speed YOU WILL FUCKING DIE or end up looking like...


Sensationalism at its finest. Thank you mother's against drunk driving for being so coy.


So in closing, dude with the duct tape on your bumper, you who ride my ass and flash your lights because I neglect to plow through the car ahead of me or turn myself invisible...fuck you and your American made car made to go along with your American made attitude. You are the reason traffic exists, or essentially who I am blaming it on today! 


Take that America!!!!!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The Employment Chronicles: Cool Stuff I've Found For You: Side Note 1, Networking and Making Money at The Same Time? Surely You Jest?!!!!

Good morning readers!

I found this neat new website through Thrillist Nation called Wise Step. It's currently in the beta portion of its existence; however, still a cool concept which is illustrated below.




Below is a brief synopsis of what it's all about as provided by Thrillist Nation,


    "From a posse of tech nerds in bustling Mauritius, WS’s a brand spankin’ professional social network a la LinkedIn that not only helps you connect with current & potential biz contacts, but incentivizes you to do so by rewarding engaged users with coin, which should come in handy after you get fired for constant social networking. Users' activity levels're measured in “points”, which start rolling in when they fill out a profile (education level, employment history, etc), and keep coming with actions ranging from connecting with other users to inviting friends to join, all of which determines their membership status as either Silver, Gold, or Platinum (though considering Creed sold 11 million albums, the latter shouldn't get you too psyched). Members can then dip into WS’s job board -- listing everything from software engineers to chemists -- for themselves or to refer others (which also scores you points); if a reference results in a hire, you'll get paid out (thanks to recruiting bounties WiseStep collects) based on your membership level and their new position, though if they can't pull off every position why'd they become a prostitute in the first place?" 


Pretty cool right?! 
You can find me HERE!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

The Employment Chronicles Chapter 1: Life Behind Debt: A Love Story

It's the 15th of the month again. It doesn't really matter which month because the 15th of every month is exactly the same. I wake up and enjoy my morning cup of coffee while wistfully looking at my bank account, imagining that for one moment the money that's been deposited into my account for all my hard work is actually mine to keep. I spend that solitary moment sipping my coffee and dreaming about the nice new car I'm going to need within the year, the well deserved vacations I would love to take, the many graduate schools I may someday like to attend, and mostly I imagine my empty savings account filled with surplus funds for emergencies and my future. This moment of day dreaming is fleeting because shortly there after I finish my cup of coffee and begin that daunting process that takes place the 15th of every month for the next unforeseeable future. The process is paying my student loans back. It's a slow and dirty dance my bank account and I share, and he's always stepping on the toes of my thrift store heels.

I currently have student loans in varying amounts from 4 separate lenders for the total price tag of (drum roll please) $120,000,00. Now as we all know it didn't start out with that high of a price tag. I took out loans to the tune of $88,000, 5 years ago when I was just about 20 years old. The rest is accrued interest. I made a conscious decision to attend the school of my dreams without realizing the consequences of that very expensive decision. I grew up in an upper middle class family with fiscally conservative parents who follow the Suzie Orman mantra, “ never go into debt for your children.” Apparently that also meant not talking to them about what debt really means. I respected my parents choice to not help me fund my education because at 20 years old, $88,000 that I didn't need to pay back for years seemed almost unreal. Additionally, when I applied for my loans back in 2005 everyone told me that I could consolidate for a lower interest rate once I graduated. I didn't realize that federal loan consolidation was what they meant, (hell I didn't even know what interest rates really were!) because I had mostly private loans from the soul sucking, outsourcing, monster that sleeps under your kids beds giving them nightmares... corporate giant Sallie Mae. Sallie Mae is like the Godzilla of the American higher educational system (or lack there of).

When I graduated from said dream school in 2007 the economy was on a downward spiral to the welfare line. Unemployment rates were through the roof and most lenders put a hold on their consolidation offers, even the federal ones. Everyone was looking for a change, but I just wanted a job to support myself so that I didn't have to move back home and listen to my mother remind me with that ' know it all' tone that I had put myself in this situation. I took the first opportunity I could get making only $25,000 a year. I ignored the fact that I had a 6 month grace period, and neglected to look at the state of my loans. I used my salary to pay my rent and to pay off the credit card debt I had incurred during college. I also ignored the fact that taking the first job I could get meant that I wasn't going into the field I went into debt to study.

After I paid off and closed all of my credit cards I finally sat down to work out my loan situation. I was nauseated by what was in front of me. That $88,000 was no longer just that amount, it was $88,000 with varying interest rates applied. One interest rate for 9.75% one for 9.25%, 6.25%, and 7.9%, and lastly the largest loan I had taken out at 10.75%. My loan went from a high cost but not totally unreasonable undergraduate degree program to the price of an organ transplant operation. I took a long hard look into my future and ran to the kitchen sink to throw up my lunch, and finally rip the veil off of my eyes. I was in trouble, and in trouble for the next 30 years of my life.

It's been three years since that day and I have come to terms with the fact that my loan payments (which I am currently paying only interest) total up to $822 per month. There are a few 15ths of the month here and there where I have a panic attack thinking about how I am going to manage to pay for food until the net pay period, or what happens if I get hurt or sick and can't work. I think about never owning my own home, and never being able to travel to the different countries I've always wanted to visit, or even being able to visit my friends who live in another state. Mostly during these moments of panic I get really angry at Sallie Mae whom I consider criminal. I never had anyone teach me about the consequences of student loan debt. They never warned me of the risks, they never did anything. If you are going to give a 20 year old $50,000 the least you can do is warn them about their decision, and maybe not charge them 10% interest on their education.

This is my life, those were my choices, and these are my consequence. The funny thing is that because I have been so concerned with paying back my education I never got to pursue a career in my field; the field that lead me to my dream school, which lead me to today...the 15th on the month.