Dear readers,

Thank you to all of you whom have shown their support for my chronicles. If you keep enjoying them I will keep writing them.

In the wonderful words of Rodney Dangerfield in Ladybugs, ( oh yes I'm about pull out a Rodney Dangerfield reference from 1992. If you haven't seen this gem of a B movie, rent it immediately. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0104670/).

" My name is Chester, I'm great, I'm wonderful! Everybody likes me!"

This quick and painless affirmation is good in theory, but it's hard not to feel that if everybody liked you, you'd have a fucking job. Right? Right.
The goal is not to have everybody like you,
*deep breath*
( because even if you are a well liked person, some Hateraid sippers will dislike you simply for being so well liked. The reason being that some people are jealous and insecure of the light that shines from your awesomeness, and how this light reflects their plastic surgery scars. Don't worry you can get an education on how to spot these harpies by watching the Rock of Love bus every Sunday night on Vh1 at 9pm. It is also on my 'things i do to stay positive list' ).
*exhale*
but to have the people who interview you like you. Everyone else can choke on a dick ( and some of them make a job out of that).

In order to have the appearance of positivity on your interviews, and in your personal life; you need to do some maintenance on your self esteem. Here are some of the ways I stay positive when my resume is getting negative reviews.

1- I watch the parade of skanks on the Rock of Love bus, For the Love of Ray J, and Tool Academy makes drunken asses of themselves on cable television. Not only do these hot messes make me feel really intelligent, but they also remind me to get the HPV vaccine ( and taking care of your body is not only important, but vital to self esteem). Sometimes I'm worried I'm going to catch something from the remote control just by turning on VH1.

2- I sing in my car...loudly. And if you happen to look at me mid-balled as you drive by, I will sing to you...also loudly.

3- I listen to shitty dance music from the 1980's http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2sjAnu_5ek If this doesn't give your mood a face life nothing will.

4- I read Perez Hilton, because it reminds me that money doesn't make you happy, or sane, or talented, or relevant.

5- I play with my guinea pigs. Well, not really play. The pigs only have two emotions, scared and hungry; but they are adorable.


6- I remember that it's not my fault I don't have a job, it's the economies fault. The economy is on my shit list; right next to candles that have scents that don't exist, and that boob flexer I see advertised at 2am.


I hope these tips help, or at least bring a smile to your face. Have a good night friends!