First things first... free stuff. I have a $10 gift certificate to Shoe Buy that I won't use so if any of you are interested, be the first to use this code at check out: P209816494848247
You can redeem at: Shoe Buy
Good luck in being the first to redeem!
Additionally, if you haven't seen this yet you are living in a cave:
This will be funny for the next week before I'm over it.
Now on to the meat and potatoes. The top 5 things I wish I could do:
Number 5: Spit Acid.
No one fucks with this guy
Simply put, I'm a non confrontational white girl. I'd like to have this in my back pocket in case I ever get mugged. Seriously, I bet I'd personally cut down on crime in my area. Here is my image of what would happen.
" Hey Joe, did you hear white girls can now spit acid?"
" Yea, Tommy lost a thumb last week. Guess I should clean up my life. Maybe go back to school and get my degree! "
" I hear you, life on the streets isn't safe for us anymore. I've been thinking about spending more time with my family. You know my moms not getting any younger, and I don't know how much time I have left with her"
" Yea that's nice, now block the wind I'm gunna roast this bone."
It's not a perfect system, but I'd be a hero.
Simply put, I'm a non confrontational white girl. I'd like to have this in my back pocket in case I ever get mugged. Seriously, I bet I'd personally cut down on crime in my area. Here is my image of what would happen.
" Hey Joe, did you hear white girls can now spit acid?"
" Yea, Tommy lost a thumb last week. Guess I should clean up my life. Maybe go back to school and get my degree! "
" I hear you, life on the streets isn't safe for us anymore. I've been thinking about spending more time with my family. You know my moms not getting any younger, and I don't know how much time I have left with her"
" Yea that's nice, now block the wind I'm gunna roast this bone."
It's not a perfect system, but I'd be a hero.
Number 4: Make Plants Grow...At All.
This is the only plant I own and he doesn't want to live.
So my boyfriend got me this plant for our anniversary because I asked for something that would live longer then a week. This was a month ago, and I have been in a constant struggle with A.P (anniversary plant) to keep it alive. The day I brought it home a squirrel knocked it off my patio table and noshed on a leaf. Now I keep him on the ground, and its like every day he looks a little better or a little worse. It's bullshit and I hate it.
Only solution. Magic powers. Problem solved.
Number 3: Make Shitty Movies Disappear.
Every movie she stars in makes my uterus scream.
Wouldn't it be nice if every time you went into a movie you knew it wasn't going to drain two hours of your life leaving you weak, delirious, and $10 short. Well if I could make shitty movies disappear Vince Vaughn might be your next barista at Starbucks.
Number 2: Summon Bees.
SUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So my boyfriend got me this plant for our anniversary because I asked for something that would live longer then a week. This was a month ago, and I have been in a constant struggle with A.P (anniversary plant) to keep it alive. The day I brought it home a squirrel knocked it off my patio table and noshed on a leaf. Now I keep him on the ground, and its like every day he looks a little better or a little worse. It's bullshit and I hate it.
Only solution. Magic powers. Problem solved.
Number 3: Make Shitty Movies Disappear.
Wouldn't it be nice if every time you went into a movie you knew it wasn't going to drain two hours of your life leaving you weak, delirious, and $10 short. Well if I could make shitty movies disappear Vince Vaughn might be your next barista at Starbucks.
Number 2: Summon Bees.
Bee's are assholes. Imagine if you could control large groups of them to do your bidding. I imagine it would work like this...
And it would be awesome....
Number 1: Take Someone's Creativity Through Their Vagina.
And it would be awesome....
Number 1: Take Someone's Creativity Through Their Vagina.
Thanks for the idea Lady Gaga, and for making your vagina so accessible.
Lastly, I hope you all had a great shark week!
1 comment:
Jenna i love how your post can make me smile on a shitty day! i have to read the hole thing to corey! Keep it up and ill continue cracking up while im sitting here searching for jobs on Saturday afternoon!
<3 u!
KTB
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