For all of my hard working hommies out there who are out of work,
worried about being out of work, or simply want to choke their jobs in
unconsciousness...this ones for you.
So after being shit canned from an amazing yet VERY underpaid job in
September, I have struggled to find the happy medium between finding a
job, finding a career ( which are apparently two very different
things), and finding a way to make some monies while looking for the
former. What I have found thus far is an unhappy medium. The kind of
medium where people tell me, " at least you have your health even if
you don't have health insurance."
About one week after loosing my amazing yet VERY VERY underpaid job, I
got hired onto be the assistant manager for a high end retail store in
the bougieist area of D.C. I had almost NO retail experience, except
for a few stints in high school all of which I was fired. There was
Brookstone for which I was fired for making out with a security guard
and getting caught on tape; and Pier One which I was fired from
because I would hide in the stockroom in order to avoid organizing and
re-organizing the pillow shelf ( on a side note every time I go into a
Pier One now I go out of my way to fuck up the pillow shelf, because
I'm still bitter). Then there was Bed Bath and Beyond, where I
actually quit because they put me in the area rugs soaked in
formaldehyde section. I quit because they refused to move me from this
section after I repetitively complained about the rashes I was getting
on my arms from their embalmed rugs.
So I had a total of 1 year worth of retail experience from 6 years
prior which isn't much, but what I did have was a friend who was the
manager of the store, who wanted someone fun to work full time. I
thought, " Fuck yea I'm fun, fuck yea I need money, and fuck yea I'll
be there maybe a month until I find something better." Well that
shitty stores response to my fuck ya's was ' FUCK NO." I wound up
staying with the shitty, employee hating, corporate mother fuckers for
nearly 6 months. That's right 6 months of sweeping, wrapping, dusting,
re-re-re-re-organizing, and eating vegetarian shit from the obnoxious
clientele of this particular chain of over priced bath products. As a
protest I use Suave exclusively.
Around December they hired a new area manager. She was to put it
lightly, a fire breathing, commie, hypocritical, mindless, bitch; who
I swear only kept me on as long as she did because her fat ass could
not fit into the window area to change displays. My manager left on
disability because the company forced her into a nervous breakdown.
I took the new area managers bullshit for almost two months after my
original awesome manager left, because I needed the cash. Here's the
list of reasons I left my grave of a job.
1- fire breather accused me of stealing from the deposits twice. First
of all, if you know me at all, you know that I grew up in a
middle-upper class household where the idea of stealing never came up
because I could and can ask 'bank daddy,' for cash whenever I'm short.
2- She put me in the windowless stockroom to organize and dust for 8
hours. I'm allergic to dust about the same amount as I am allergic to
embalmed rugs. I would come home with hives. Hives are not terribly
sexy.
3- She hired on new employees for me to train without telling me.
These newbies would come in asking to be trained, only to be greeted
with " who the fuck are you?" as a response.
4- She cut my hours.
5- She told me I could no longer have weekends off. FUCK THAT NOISE.
6- She asked me if I was still in school around the area. I guess she
didn't take the time to look at my resume, because if she did she
would see that I was a college graduate with a degree from a top tier
university with enough experience at 24 to put her 36 year old- with 3
kids that are all in high school already, I used to manage a fucking
Gap- ass to shame.
7- She had me clean up a dead rat.....and that my friends was all she wrote.
After number 7 I told her to shove it politely with my 2 weeks notice.
I tried to be respectful up until the end; however on my last day she
accused me and a co-worker of stealing again, so I clocked out early
telling her that the idea of working with her one more minute gave me
more hives then the dusty stock room. My conclusion is that she is
really just a pile of dust.
So here I am two weeks later and very much unemployed with 200 dollars
in my bank account. I don't need to tell you that unemployment fucking
sucks, so I try to give myself a routine to keep myself from going
crazy and it goes as follows.
10am - I wake up and check my phone hoping that the resume and cover
letter avalanche I sent out the night before warranted at least one
response.
10:10- I make breakfast for myself, because it is the most important
meal of the day.
10:20- I do about 15 minutes of Yoga because I think it helps my
spirit or whatever that means.
10:45- I finish off my fourth cup of coffee because my spirit needs
caffeine to concentrate.
10:35- I e-mail my head hunter AGAIN hoping that he has found an
interview for me....most of the time he has not. This does not stop me
from e-mailing him daily. To make it fun for him I include a comic
strip in my note so at least he can look forward to something funny
along with my pestering.
11:00- I look on linkedin for about an hour and apply for at least 3 jobs
noon- I look on career builder for about an hour and apply for at least 3 jobs.
1- I look on monster.com for 10 minutes before I remember how much
monster.com sucks.
1:15- I run errands.
2- I work out because I need to detox early in the day from the amount
of beer I drink later on in my time line.
3- I search on craiglist for about an hour and apply to at least 5 jobs.
4- I put up my own ads for babysitting, dog walking,and tutoring.
Pretty much anything to make some extra cash.
4:30- I take a shower.
5- This is about the time I start drinking.
6- still drinking.
7- check out indeed.com for about an hour and apply for at least 3 jobs.
8- I drink some more, and make dinner.
9- I'm generally drunk by this point. I eat dinner and chill out with
my boyfriend who tries to catch up.
10- I start to contemplate life, and where I went wrong.
10:01- I get over my pity party because 10pm is when the best
television shows are on.
1- I do one last browse on craigslist to see if I missed anything.
1:30-2:30- I pass out.
Rinse and repeat.
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